*sigh*(past)
07.30
shin mazinger
I have a story about the most annoying moment in my life, so just read it!
It was 10 years ago, when I was still in Tarakanita Elementary School. Like my teacher said.”After you’re doing your test you can go home.” So it happened after the test ended. One of my friends invited me to play football in the backyard of his house. With no doubt I just leaved the school and went to my friend’s house with all of my friends.
Then the match began and “it” just started when the ball kicked out from the field, because it was my fault that I can’t received the pass, so they asked me to get the ball. When I wanted to get the ball, the road was still not crowded because it was a school hour and I could get the ball freely. Suddenly a dog came and barked into me. I was surprised.”Watch out!!” one of my friends shouted, I thought he warned me about the dog, but I was wrong. It’s about a pedicab right behind me, I couldn’t evade it, so it hit me critically and I fell to the small sewer. They just laughed; no one helped me out and this tragedy just spread out on the class, ckk blabbermouth. They laughed at me; they made me just like a dumbass. It was so embarrassing and really pisses me off. I believe that I can’t forget this incident even I want.
hi, tunggul...
nice to see you anymore...
I'm risma, your teacher of past narrative..
Well, some people also have their annoying experience, right, including me..
Lets see your writing..
in your writing, I see that you also put the direct speech there. It gives the variation one in your writing. And the next is you also used an idiom such as blabbermouth.. Well, the good one for your writing creation.
Oh, yeah, I have also noted some thing to remind you about your writing. So, lets we see that...
1. "With no doubt I just leaved the school"
Actually, it is not wrong grammatically. But just for a little add, please give comma (,) after " with no doubt". Why? Because it's a verb, right.. If you use verb in the beginning of your sentence, use comma after that..
2. "I can’t received the pass"
Because it's past, it's better for you to use # couldn't# instead of "can't".
3. "It’s about a pedicab right behind me,"
The problem is same with number two (the past ). So, just replace "it's" to be # it was#.
Okay, I think that's all form me..
And good job for you..
Still have questions? Just leave that in my blog...
So, see you anymore Tunggul in another chance..
Bye..bye..bye..